Relationships with parents

It is commonly thought that middle adolescence is the most challenging period for young people and their parents. This is the stage when young people may begin to withdraw from the family gatherings and spend increasing amounts of time alone in their bedrooms, online or watching a screen.

There may be conflict between the adolescent and parents about obeying family rules and there is often increased negotiating, bargaining and conflict over parental control. Most families cope well in this period but some young people may be struggling with other issues that are being signalled by extremes of constant conflict within the family.

In Western cultures social development of adolescents takes place over a decade, but in other cultures traditional social roles are taken on soon after puberty begins.

In spite of all this most adolescents have a good relationship with their parents, most of the time. Young people who have a good attachment to their parents are most likely to have positive friendships. They are accepted by their peers and are more sophisticated in their social interactions. Children with uninvolved or authoritarian parents are more at risk of joining antisocial groups.

Drag and drop: match the term to the scenario, by dropping the terms listed onto the correct scenario.

Scenario 1

Adolescents who have had a secure base in their early years are likely to move through this phase towards independence without too many problems. When they are in conflict they may use humour and reflect on the experience.

  • Secure attachment

Scenario 2

If adolescents experience carers who were emotionally absent or unavailable, they may be scared their own needs won’t be met. They may try and protect themselves by seeking independence from their family relatively early.

  • Avoidant attachment

Scenario 3

If adolescents experienced intermittent care in their earlier years then they may be left with a sense that other people are not reliable. They may swing between independence and over attachment and then withdrawing. This is distressing and may lead to low mood.

  • Ambivalent attachment

Scenario 4

Some adolescents have experienced abandonment in their early years through death, divorce, trauma or neglect. They can react to the normal separations that occur in life in a fearful and disorientated way as they have no way of dealing with separation and increasing independence.

  • Disorganised attachment
  • Avoidant attachment
  • Secure attachment
  • Disorganised attachment
  • Ambivalent attachment

Select the buttons below to learn more about adolescent attachments.

Secure attachment: Adolescents who have had a secure base in their early years are likely to move through this phase towards independence without too many problems. When they are in conflict they may use humour and reflect on the experience.

Avoidant attachment: If adolescents experience carers who were emotionally absent or unavailable, they may be scared their own needs won’t be met. They may try and protect themselves by seeking independence from their family relatively early.

Ambivalent attachment: If adolescents experienced intermittent care in their earlier years then they may be left with a sense that other people are not reliable. They may swing between independence and over attachment and then withdrawing. This is distressing and may lead to low mood.

Disorganised attachment: Some adolescents have experienced abandonment in their early years through death, divorce, trauma or neglect. They can react to the normal separations that occur in life in a fearful and disorientated way as they have no way of dealing with separation and increasing independence.