'Keeping Control' by MT Taylor
This poem came 1st place in our competition.
Note: These poems are personal, raw and honest. Some people may find them triggering although they are not intended so.
Keeping Control
I will never be clever enough to outwit
that fool of a brother,
never be strong enough to brush off
the mocking of my coward father
never be loud enough to drown
the whispered whinging of my mother,
never look good enough to attract
my heart’s desire,
that’s why I’d rather…….
…keep control where I can
do my accounts,
keep control of my spending,
eat measured amounts.
If I overdo it
there are more ways I’ve learned
to spit in their faces
throw up their concern.
I can sweat off the surplus
down at the gym
spend 600 cals
every hour I swim.
I’ve seen others like me
quietly exhausted
cardio worked out
treadmill haunted.
For us it’s a question
of calibration
an arithmetical
calculation.
I’m not stupid. I know
there’s already damage
but I keep control.
How else can I manage?
Comments
Author: The poem was inspired by this project, and I would be delighted if you found it useful. Thank you for this important initiative, and for the resources already available from the website. This issue is important to me, and finding voices to articulate such a difficult and under explored area will change things.
Judges:
- powerful poem & deeply moving
- contains very strong messages of why and how eating disorders manifest themselves. They clearly give a message of how ‘control’ is a big issue.
- the title of this poem spoke volumes and I was immediately engaged with the family psychology that is swiftly but skilfully drawn in the first three stanzas. This poem provided the reader with contrasts; the precision and control described as “calibration” or “calculation” and the desperation of the final sentence.
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