'The Fridge Door Problem' by Emma Lee
The Fridge Door Problem
She should have been Champagne, not Chardonnay.
You could pour her into a tall, slender flute.
She was out of my league. I never knew what to say
to her. My parents pinned my revision plan
on the fridge door. Yeah, they wanted me to do better,
but I didn't want to go near the fridge.
To be honest, I'd always been a bit fatter,
but I lost control. School was pressure, there were dickheads.
I lurked, pretended to be at the gym on Snapchat.
Then actually went. I thought it would make it worse.
I got proud every time I said "I'm not eating that."
As my abs grew definition, I couldn't stop.
I could go without food for a couple of days but I'd still
lift weights, still run on the treadmill, managed
to avoid steroids, but was still making myself ill.
I still hadn't asked Chardonnay out. Thought she'd
like the new me. But then saw her talking to Zayn
and realised she preferred skinny. I was beginning
to like what I saw in the mirror and hit the gym again.
Comments
Author: Disordered eating often starts in teenage years, particularly if a person knows they were "a bit fat" as a younger child or previously teased and even bullied over their weight. For male teenagers, the goal isn't always to look thin but to recreate the images of peers perceived to be popular - often the sporty, muscular types - and to feel in control of their bodies at a time when hormonal changes counter that feeling. The endorphin high that comes from working out becomes addictive. Although the poem suggests the teenager is trying to impress a girl, he doesn't actually ask her out. His real desire is to sculpt himself into the mould he thinks will attract her attention.
Our readers who ranked the poems:
- clear portrayal of the way in which pressure and expectation can fuel the development of disordered eating
- provides a powerful insight into the pressures affecting young people today.
- [I liked] the more complex form
- easy to relate to and depicts the pressures that feed the disordered eating and how they perceive their bodies
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